Love lands when it feels like care in your language. You might feel loved when someone spends time with you. Your partner might feel loved when you notice small things and say them out loud. This guide explains the five common “love languages,” gives you plain examples, and offers a short quiz you can take together.
What love languages are (and are not)
- A helpful map, not a label. People often have two or three that matter most.
- A way to aim your effort so it actually feels like love on the other side.
- Not a rule book. Needs change with seasons, stress, or health.
The five love languages in plain language
1) Words of affirmation
- What it means: appreciations, encouragement, and noticing out loud.
- Examples: “I loved how you handled that call.” “Thank you for making dinner.”
- Small daily moves: one sentence of praise, a sticky note, a quick text. If you like a gentle prompt, send a Love Note so appreciation shows up right on their Home Screen.
2) Quality time
- What it means: undistracted attention and shared moments.
- Examples: a walk, a phone-free breakfast, sitting together while reading.
- Small daily moves: 10 minutes of close time, a short talk after work.
3) Acts of service
- What it means: help that lightens the load.
- Examples: taking trash out, starting coffee, handling an errand.
- Small daily moves: do one tiny task before being asked.
4) Gifts
- What it means: a thoughtful token that says “I was thinking of you.”
- Examples: a favorite snack, a printed photo, a flower from the yard.
- Small daily moves: keep a small stash of simple tokens ready.
5) Physical touch
- What it means: hugs, hand squeezes, a shoulder rub, cuddling.
- Examples: greeting hug, a hand on the back as you pass by.
- Small daily moves: one welcome hug and one goodnight touch.
Quick quiz (10 questions)
Answer honestly. Choose A–E for each question. Tally your letters at the end.
After a hard day I want most:
- A) You telling me what you appreciate about me
- B) A short walk or time on the couch together
- C) Help with one chore without me asking
- D) A small surprise
- E) A long hug
On a weekend morning I hope for:
- A) A gentle compliment
- B) Shared coffee without phones
- C) Breakfast made for us
- D) A note left by the kettle
- E) A cuddle before getting up
When I feel distant, what repairs it fastest:
- A) Hearing what you admire or appreciate
- B) 15 minutes of focused time
- C) Something taken off my plate
- D) A small keepsake
- E) A warm touch
On my birthday, I value most:
- A) Heartfelt words
- B) Time together
- C) Help and ease
- D) A thoughtful gift
- E) Physical closeness
I feel seen when you:
- A) Notice small things I did and say it
- B) Plan a short pocket of time for us
- C) Do a task I dislike
- D) Bring home something that made you think of me
- E) Reach for me
When we are busy, the thing I miss is:
- A) Kind words
- B) Shared moments
- C) Practical help
- D) Little surprises
- E) Touch
My favorite part of evenings is:
- A) Being appreciated
- B) Talking on the couch
- C) When things are already prepped
- D) A tiny dessert you saved for me
- E) Snuggling
During stress, I want:
- A) Encouragement
- B) Presence
- C) Support actions
- D) A token of care
- E) Calming touch
The memory that warms me is:
- A) Something kind you said
- B) The long walk we took
- C) When you handled the call for me
- D) The small gift you found
- E) The way you held my hand
What would make next week better:
- A) One sentence of appreciation daily
- B) A 15 minute pocket of time daily
- C) One task handled daily
- D) One tiny token during the week
- E) Two hugs a day
Scoring
- Mostly A: Words of affirmation
- Mostly B: Quality time
- Mostly C: Acts of service
- Mostly D: Gifts
- Mostly E: Physical touch
How to use your results
Make it actionable in 15 minutes per day
- Pick your partner’s top love language and choose one small daily move from the examples above.
- Combine it with a quick check in: “Did that land for you today” Adjust as you learn.
Scripts to ask for love the way you receive it
- Words: “Hearing one thing you appreciated about me today would feel really good.”
- Time: “Can we protect 15 minutes tonight for just us”
- Service: “Could you handle the message to the group chat for me today”
- Gifts: “I love tiny surprises. If you see a small treat this week, I would love it.”
- Touch: “Could we start and end the day with a hug”
Common snags and gentle fixes
It feels unfair
Rotate. Aim for your partner’s language some days and yours on others. Share what you tried so it does not go unseen.
Life gets busy
Shrink the move, not the meaning. One sentence, one minute, one small token.
We keep missing each other
Use a simple weekly check in to ask “What landed this week” and “What missed.” Adjust next week’s plan.
What the research suggests - in brief
- Feeling appreciated and understood predicts satisfaction and resilience.
- Specific, consistent actions build trust faster than occasional big gestures.
- Checking whether love landed improves accuracy over time.
Final note
Love languages are a starting point, not a scorecard. Stay curious, keep it small and consistent, and ask whether it landed. That is how love becomes easy to feel.