This or that is the fastest getting-to-know-you game there is. One of you reads two options, you both pick, and you move on before anyone can overthink it. Coffee or tea. Beach or mountains. Big spoon or little spoon.
It sounds too simple to matter, but quick picks add up. A few rounds in, you know a little more about how your partner rests, what makes them laugh, and which tiny comforts they would never give up. Here are 200 this or that questions for couples, from cute and funny to flirty and a little deep.
If you want longer scenarios to think through, that is what our would you rather questions for couples are for. This page keeps it short on purpose: two options, one answer, next.
How to play
- One of you reads the two options. You both answer at the same time, on the count of three.
- Answer fast. Your first instinct is the whole point.
- No explanation needed, but “wait, why?” is always allowed.
- No judging the strange picks. The strange picks are the best part.
- Skip anything that does not land. “Pass” is a perfectly good answer.
Speed round
Set a timer for two minutes. One of you fires off questions as fast as you can, and the other answers without pausing. Then swap. Count how many you got through, and try to beat it next week.
Over text
Send one question during the day. “Pancakes or waffles?” takes two seconds to answer and gives you both a small smile in the middle of a busy afternoon. For something sweeter than a crowded inbox, send it as a note with the Love Notes widget, so it shows up on your partner’s Home Screen.
Guess your partner’s pick
Before your partner answers, guess what they will choose. One point for every right guess, five rounds each, then swap. If you like keeping score, the couples quiz is the scored version: one of you answers, the other guesses, and the game tallies the results for you.
This or that is an easy, playful piece of the Weekly Care layer of your Couple Care Routine: a few light minutes that keep you curious about each other.
Quick warm-up this or that questions
Easy openers to get you both laughing.
- Coffee or tea?
- Early bird or night owl?
- Cats or dogs?
- Summer or winter?
- Sweet or salty?
- Morning shower or night shower?
- Socks on or off in bed?
- Window seat or aisle seat?
- Voice note or text?
- Rainy day or sunny day?
- Hoodie or cardigan?
- Stairs or elevator?
- Snooze button or first alarm?
- Always early or fashionably late?
- Paper notebook or notes app?
Food and drink this or that questions
- Pizza or tacos?
- Pancakes or waffles?
- Fries or onion rings?
- Chocolate or vanilla?
- Spicy or mild?
- Sushi or burgers?
- Brunch or a late-night snack?
- Ice cream in a cone or a cup?
- Crunchy or smooth peanut butter?
- Cocktail or mocktail?
- Smoothie or milkshake?
- Pineapple on pizza: yes or no?
- Pasta or rice?
- Ketchup or mayo?
- Street food or a fancy restaurant?
- Share everything or order your own?
- Cereal first or milk first?
- Popcorn or nachos?
- Fruit or cake for dessert?
- Bagel or croissant?
Date night this or that questions
Play these while you plan your next date, and let the answers pick it for you.
- Fancy dinner or picnic?
- Movie theater or couch?
- Mini golf or bowling?
- Trivia night or open mic?
- Planned date or surprise date?
- Dress up or dress down?
- Rom-com or thriller?
- Arcade or escape room?
- Dessert first or dessert last?
- Sunset walk or late-night drive?
- Ice skating or roller skating?
- Phones away or photos allowed?
- Our usual spot or somewhere new?
- Cook-off or bake-off?
- Early dinner or late show?
Home and lifestyle this or that questions
Small picks that say a lot about living well together.
- Tidy home or cozy clutter?
- Apartment or house?
- Plants or pets?
- Bath or shower?
- Window open or closed at night?
- Fan on or fan off?
- One shared blanket or two separate ones?
- Make the bed or leave it?
- Dishes tonight or dishes tomorrow?
- Fold the laundry now or live out of the basket?
- Minimalist or maximalist?
- Gym or home workout?
- Strict routine or go with the flow?
- Cleaning playlist or podcast?
- Warm bedroom or cool bedroom?
- Grocery list or wander the aisles?
- In bed by ten or up past midnight?
- Couch nap or bed nap?
- Candles or fairy lights?
- Saturday chores or Sunday chores?
Travel this or that questions
- Beach or mountains?
- Road trip or flight?
- Hotel or vacation rental?
- Pack light or pack everything?
- Museums or markets?
- City break or nature escape?
- Souvenirs or photos?
- Local food or familiar favorites?
- Carry-on or checked bag?
- Sightseeing or lounging?
- Camping or glamping?
- Pool or ocean?
- Guidebook or locals’ tips?
- Early flight or red-eye?
- Long weekend or two-week trip?
Love and romance this or that questions
These are quick, but the answers often hint at what makes your partner feel loved. Notice them.
- Love letter or love song?
- Flowers or chocolates?
- Holding hands or arm in arm?
- Big gestures or small daily ones?
- Words of affirmation or quality time?
- Thoughtful gift or shared experience?
- Anniversary dinner or anniversary trip?
- “I love you” out loud or in writing?
- Pet names or real names?
- Love at first sight or slow burn?
- Posed couple photos or candid shots?
- Slow dance or silly dance?
- Good morning kiss or goodnight kiss?
- Romance novel or romance movie?
- Old-school romance or modern romance?
- Hand on the knee or arm around the shoulder?
- Celebrate the day or the whole week?
- Compliments or cuddles?
- Notes in pockets or on the mirror?
- Cheesy romance or classy romance?
Cute this or that questions for couples
- Big spoon or little spoon?
- Matching mugs or matching keychains?
- Couch cuddles or bed cuddles?
- Inside jokes or a secret handshake?
- Your hoodie or mine?
- Pillow fort or blanket burrito?
- Share the fries or steal the fries?
- Cute nicknames or silly nicknames?
- Our song: slow or upbeat?
- Selfie or ask a stranger?
- Sticky note or napkin note?
- Good morning text or coffee in bed?
- Piggyback ride or spin-around hug?
- Cheek kiss or nose boop?
- Our first photo or our latest photo?
Funny and random this or that questions
No deeper meaning here. Just defend your answer with total confidence.
- Pirate or ninja?
- Toilet paper over or under?
- Zombies or aliens?
- Invisibility or flying?
- Clown or mime?
- Socks with sandals: crime or comfort?
- Chopsticks or fork?
- Hot dog: sandwich or not a sandwich?
- Bubble wrap or slime?
- Snoring or sleep-talking?
- Dad jokes or puns?
- Giraffe or penguin?
- Unicorn or dragon?
- Elevator music or hold music?
- Wizard or superhero?
- Shower singer or car singer?
- Snort laugh or silent laugh?
- Stuffed animal or body pillow?
- Tiny hat or giant sunglasses?
- Spider in the house: catch it or call for backup?
Flirty and spicy this or that questions (PG-13)
A little teasing, nothing you would mind a neighbor overhearing. Play these when you are both in a playful mood, and pass on anything you like.
- Kiss or cuddle?
- Candlelight or moonlight?
- Flirty text or flirty look?
- Neck kisses or hand kisses?
- Slow kiss or stolen kiss?
- Silk pajamas or my old T-shirt?
- Back rub or foot rub?
- Whisper or wink?
- Tease or be teased?
- Make the first move or wait for it?
- Fresh from the shower or all dressed up?
- Hotel room or our own bed?
- Kiss in the rain or kiss in the kitchen?
- Flirt in public or flirt in private?
- Steamy movie scene or steamy book chapter?
Deep this or that questions
Still two words, still fast, but these are worth a “why?” afterward.
- Comfort or adventure?
- Head or heart?
- Honesty or harmony?
- Past or future?
- Roots or wings?
- Being right or being close?
- Words or actions?
- Advice or just listening?
- Forgive or forget?
- Saver or spender?
- Introvert or extrovert?
- Logic or intuition?
- Things or experiences?
- Alone time or together time?
- Nostalgia or anticipation?
Number 163 is worth remembering. Knowing whether your partner wants advice or just a listening ear on a hard day saves a lot of misunderstandings later.
Pop culture this or that questions
- Marvel or DC?
- Binge it or one episode a night?
- Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings?
- Pop or rock?
- Reality TV or documentaries?
- The book or the movie?
- Spoilers or no spoilers?
- Star Wars or Star Trek?
- Video games or board games?
- Sitcoms or dramas?
- The original or the remake?
- Concert or festival?
- Vinyl or streaming?
- Disney or Pixar?
- Horror movie or musical?
Future and dreams this or that questions
Light picks about the life you are building. Let them turn into a longer talk if you both want that.
- Rent or buy?
- Garden or balcony?
- Retire early or work you love for life?
- Settle down or keep moving?
- Learn a language or an instrument?
- Tiny house or old farmhouse?
- Travel now or save for later?
- Side hustle or more free time?
- Bucket list or one big dream?
- Lake house or city loft?
- Five-year plan or one year at a time?
- Time capsule or vision board?
- Quiet golden years or wild golden years?
- New place every year or one favorite place forever?
- Our story so far or the chapter ahead?
Make it a weekly ritual
One round of this or that is a fun five minutes. A weekly round becomes a small ritual you both look forward to. Pick a fixed moment, like the walk to get coffee on Saturday or the time while dinner cooks, and play ten questions. Same moment, ten questions, one “why?” each.
Work through one section a week and you have about three months of rounds before you repeat a list. When a pick surprises you, follow it. “You would take the red-eye? Since when?” Those little detours are where you learn something new.
When you are ready for more than a one-word answer, play a round of 21 questions for couples, where every question gets a real answer and a follow-up. For bigger, more imaginative swings, try the what if questions for couples.
Common questions
What are good this or that questions for couples?
The best ones are short, quick to answer, and a little revealing. Start with the warm-up and food lists, then mix in the love and romance or deep sections once you are both relaxed. “Comfort or adventure?” can tell you as much as a long conversation.
What are some flirty this or that questions for couples?
Try “Slow kiss or stolen kiss?”, “Flirty text or flirty look?” or “Make the first move or wait for it?” The flirty and spicy section above has 15 more, all playful and PG-13. Play them when you are both in a teasing mood, and pass on anything you like.
Can you play this or that over text?
Yes. Send one question at a time during the day and save the “why?” for dinner. It is one of the easiest ways to stay playful with each other when you are both busy.
Final note
Two options, one answer, a few seconds each. This or that is about as small as a ritual gets, and that is its charm. Keep a few of these ready for your next slow evening, and notice how much you learn from a pile of tiny choices.